41 weeks (well, almost)

Introducing me, the human wrecking ball:



I've had a few days of pretty steady contractions, although mainly of the Braxton Hicks variety. Once in a while a "real one" will sneak its way in there, but never frequently enough to amount to anything. I have been assured that no one has ever been pregnant forever, but I'm beginning to question the veracity of this statement. I stayed home from work today, confident that today was the day, only to have the contractions slow down. Jeff and I went to the Nook for lunch, hoping that maybe an enormous cheeseburger would crowd the baby out. We'll have to report back later on the soundness of this plan.

At this point, we're both just beyond excited to meet our little girl, and of course I'm feeling rather uncomfortable carrying so much baby around. But apparently my womb is super comfortable, and the baby appears unwilling to make an entrance at this very moment. I keep reminding myself that these things happen when they're meant to happen, but I see no good reason why that time shouldn't be RIGHT NOW.

40 Weeks Plus One Day

So, here I am, forty weeks plus one day. A little over forty weeks ago, Jeff and I were climbing Fox Glacier in New Zealand, unaware of the tiny little spark of life glowing deep inside of me. We took helicopter rides up the mountainside and climbed inside of deep blue fissures in the ice. Later we would walk through the rain forests that sweep alongside the glacier before sharing a quiet dinner. I remember that Jeff poured me a bath that evening, and we enjoyed the quiet of the small New Zealand town before heading off the next morning to Queenstown. Days later we would be deep in the aftermath of the Christchurch earthquake. All the while, in utter silence, cells continued to quietly divide and multiply, and our lives were forever changed, although we didn't realize it at the time.

Forty weeks later, much has changed. I lost my father, and I feel much older than I did nine months ago. I also feel softer and more open towards the people around me. Perhaps this is what happens, sometimes, when you lose someone close to you…you feel more forgiving towards others, maybe because you recognize more fully the transient nature of this life we lead.

Or maybe it's the hormones.

Whatever it is, in these last days of my pregnancy I can do little other than sit and wait and contemplate. I wonder what this little person inside of me will be like, where her life will take her, what her joys will be, what sorrows will visit her. I have so many hopes for her, and so many fears. At my most philosophical, I realize that we each have our own paths to walk in this world, and she is no different than anyone else, but I also feel a powerful urge to do everything in my power to direct her and protect her. A happy medium, I'm sure, is to provide her with love and guidance and all the tools she will need to make good decisions, and then to pray for a sprinkle of luck and sunshine to light her path.

She will be joining us any day now. It's hard for me to imagine all the changes that are in store for all of us, but I know they are coming.

39 Weeks

39 weeks today...and not a whole lot to report. I think we're finally to the point where we feel "ready" insofar as brand new parents can ever be ready. I am pretty sure we have all the required elements to keep a baby alive, at the very least. I still can't really wrap my head around the fact that in a few weeks (at most) we will have a little baby girl that we are totally responsible for. I know I should be savoring these last few days of relative freedom, but I'm so utterly uncomfortable that it's difficult to really fully embrace this time. I've finally reached that stage where labor no longer frightens me, mainly because I am just at that point where I am in a good deal of pain and I figure one day of insanity is worth it if it will alleviate the chronic, daily pain that I'm dealing with. Plus, I miss being able to just be quick and energetic. I miss running up the stairs, going on brisk walks, actually bending over in yoga. Getting back to this level of movement will be a welcome change!

And, of course, I can't wait to meet Baby Girl! For now, I'm stuck staring at my belly, wondering what this little girl will be like. Right now I don't have a whole lot to go on. She seems opinionated (she hates hot water bottles placed too close to her head) and strong (she is definitely trying to bust through my rib cage), two qualities that I appreciate in a girl. The rest...well, only time will tell.

So, here I am, contemplating my belly and trying to determine if I can get any bigger:






Oh, and here I am, sitting on my exercise ball, where I spend quite a bit of time these days. Oh baby!

Quick Pics

We're down to the final weeks, and I'm officially too pregnant for words. No more spinning, very little yoga, and a whole lot of sitting around. A fair amount of grunting occurs when I need to get up or roll over, and my greatest pleasure consists of sitting on an exercise ball and trying to stretch out my pelvic floor. While I'm nervous about labor, I'm to the point where I'm ready to do just about anything to get this baby OUT. It is high time she joins us!

Here is a picture of me at 36 weeks:




And here are some Halloween pictures, at 38 weeks:





I just keep getting bigger by the day, but the days are numbered. In the meantime, we're pretty much "baby ready" or as ready as can be expected, given the fact that we have no idea what to expect. The fact that a hospital is going to send us home with a REAL LIVE BABY in a few weeks is impossible to imagine.