Lessons from my Mother

This past weekend, my mom came to stay with me for a few days. The time was short, but the lessons? They were BIG.

I will admit that I was feeling a little anxious about seeing my mom. This was our first foray into our "new normal," as life continues ever on after the passing of my dad. I spent a lot of time wondering what the grief triggers would be, my brain spinning round and round as I tried to come up with ways to soften what was sure to be a weekend full of difficult moments. I wanted to make sure that I was paying attention to my mom and her needs without fussing over her in a way that would make her uncomfortable.

As it turns out, well, yes, the weekend had some difficult moments. After my baby shower on Sunday, I caught myself thinking "That was so beautiful! I need to call dad and tell him how it went…" and then to startle with surprise that I couldn't do this. I looked at my mom and realized she was crying, too. There were other similar moments, where we shared tears and memories and expressed our deep sadness and sense of loss to each other.

But we also spent hours deep in conversation about parenting philosophies, our shared love of literature, the joy of travel, and our search for creativity in our lives. We shopped for hours at the gorgeous baby stores that are dotted all over St Paul, we shared lovely meals in the sunshine, we laughed, we confessed weaknesses and pet peeves, and we marveled at the gorgeous fall weather.

The time spent with my mother was eye opening…listening to her speak, I was struck by how intelligent and curious and interesting she is. Of course, she has always been these things, and I've always known that she is these thiings, but something about this weekend brought this into crystal clarity for me. Her strength, her determination to find joy and purpose in life, is inspirational.

I find her fascinating, which is such an interesting way to feel about your mother.